Friday Coffee Chat (13) – Have you been book bullied?







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Book Bullying: Are you a victim or a perpetrator?



Last week on Friday Coffee Chat we talked about Weird Reading Habits. We all have some and maybe sometimes people look at us funny for our odd reading habits. This week, I want to talk about bullying of the book persuasion. Jennifer at Girls Gone Reading is talking about movies that are BETTER than the book this week on her portion of Friday Coffee Chat. Can you think of any? I think I actually can so make sure you go put your two cents in on her blog as well!

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Book bullying. Does such a thing exist? For weeks we’ve been talking about things like judging a book by its cover, the YA phenomenon, and odd reading habits we have. But are any of these things embarrassing enough that we actually hide what we read around others for fear of being made fun of or just outright bullying?

Last week on Twitter a fellow book blogger tweeted that she had been mocked and made fun of in the lunch room for her choice of reading. Not only did they make fun of what she read, they went through her Kobo and refused to give it back until they had all had their bits of fun. I was honestly horrified that this person was basically bullied. These aren’t kids in grade school—these are grown adults that were making fun of her for choosing to read YA and some Middle Grade books. Never mind that this woman is a mother and who reviews YA and some younger fiction regularly on her blog; these people decided that it would be a nice thing to mock her by saying things like, “What are you going to read next, Clifford?!” Hmmm…she’s a mom so it IS in fact possible that she might read Clifford to her children. Instead of fighting back which would almost certainly end in more retribution, she sat there quietly until they had finished. She felt humiliated.



I have to admit. I felt so bad for her. I think what is worse is that I felt bad for her because while I may not have gone to that extent to humiliate someone, I have definitely judged people on their reading choices at times. That’s right. I am openly admitting that at times I have vocally said things about the choices that people make about their own personal reading! I am ashamed. After doing these weekly chats for three months, I have learned so much from all the bloggers that stop by and give their input. We don’t always agree, but we usually have a good laugh, give each other a virtual handshake, and move on because we all know we have different personalities and therefore, different tastes. Because of this, I have become much less judgmental of all those people out there that choose to read things that I would never pick up. I no longer care if someone has an Edward or Jacob obsession, or if they like reading Gossip Girl. I don’t care anymore if people like reading steamy romances or erotica. We’re all unique and there are enough books in the world to satisfy us all. I might even throw some glitter on my friends who like the sparkly vampires to show my support!


CRAVE Chicago Coffee Chat
My point is, what exactly does it accomplish when you question what someone is reading? Is there ever a time when it is justified? I still struggle some with people reading books by Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, Ann Coulter, Al Franken, Michael Moore or other polarizing figures. I might even make an off-handed comment if I saw people reading it. Is that ok for me to do? I think good conversation is ok. I think it’s ok to disagree, but I’m beginning to see that it’s possible that my off-handed comments can hurt someone’s feelings. I also think that sometimes we all can be overly sensitive and that stepping back from a situation and looking at things from a different perspective can open our eyes to what people may be trying to get across (in the blogger’s case at the beginning of my post I think she was truly bullied and the people in question should be ashamed of themselves). I have taken comments on my blog and on Twitter personally sometimes, but then I realize that I am who I am and I can only control my reaction to things—the world will not change for me as much as I want it to. I will say that I am trying harder to be more aware of what comes out of my mouth and my fingers while typing. I may still disagree with people, but I hope that I will never be disrespectful or make that person feel bullied.



So this week, I want to ask you readers:
  • Have you ever been bullied for what you read OR have you ever bullied someone for what they read (be honest here…we’ll be respectful of admissions)?
  • Have you ever hidden what you read for fear of someone making fun of you or criticizing you?
  • Do you think people are too sensitive when it comes to the books they enjoy?
  • Are there any times that you just cannot keep your mouth shut when you think you should (like me and my penchant for ranting against political pundit books)?
  • Do you think it’s possible to be opinionated about reading/books without backing someone into a corner?

Link of Note
I saw this really good blog post by a man that was bullied as a child. Good food for thought:

Comments (55)

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That is such a horrible thing for someone to go through, and I feel bad for the fellow blogger. Such immature people.. God.

Anyway, about your questions, I've never been "book bullied", but I have been bullied. Reading books has been my way of escaping the environment of silly school girls, but later, it was sort of a status- I was the go-to person if anyone had trouble with assignments or needed help editing essays. So reading books in front of classmates helped me with coping, and vice versa.

As to opinions concerning books, I'm usually too happy to have found someone who READS and has read the book to continue arguing tirelessly about a point. I try to find a middle ground with the person, we both agree or disagree, but it's an awesome discussion, no matter what the difference of opinion.

Great post!
My recent post Teaser Tuesday 14
3 replies · active 755 weeks ago
That is horrible! That is beyond the offhand comment that people can deal with. Those people should be ashamed of themselves!

I have not really been book bullied (but was bullied otherwise, like most people). But I have made fun of people who read and obsess over Twilight. I never do it to their face. If they ask what I thought I just say that i really didn't like it but I won't ever bully someone over their book choices! .
1 reply · active 755 weeks ago
Well first, of course, this act was horrible. I see bullying every day at the high school where I work-students and teachers alike-so I can't say that I am that surprised that adults were acting this way. And, I have to admit that like you Carin, I might have done this myself.

The best example that I can think of is when I give independent reading assignments in my classes. I used to tell the kids that they couldn't read YA lit. That they had to move on. Read only grown up books. Well...then I started blogging and reading some YA books for myself. Guess what??? Now they can read (almost) whatever they want. Now I just focus on the length, trying to make the work even (maybe 2 YA books for every Da Vinci Code). True, there are some genres that I don't like, but I am willing to try anything now. Blogging has helped with that a lot. Not only are there lots of books for everyone, but now it is easy to connect with the other people who like what I like. And it is wonderful to see what else is out there.

Finally, I do see some bullying done by others in cyberspace, though, about books. Off hand comments are made frequently about Nicholas Sparks (who I like) and vicious arguments about people who did/didn't like the end of The Hunger Games. Maybe we should all remember, these are books, we are reading for fun, and this kind of productive entertainment should never come with judgment.
My recent post Friday Coffee Chat- I’ll Wait for the Movie
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
Wow, what a bunch a jerks! I've never had that happen and rarely been 'book bullied.'
1 reply · active 755 weeks ago
As always, a great topic! I've been bullied for my choices too many times to count. I just ignore it now. I can't believe that lady's co-workers were so mean!! I think reading is reading and unless they are reading themselves, they better just shut up and not talk. Between readers, I think we can pick sometimes at each other in a FUN way (like ohhhh I can't believe you liked that! ick! lol) and sometimes people can get too sensitive (like the posts where people defend or ask about ya lit, when people freak instead of keeping it as a conversation), but it's mostly good. Conversation is good and we bloggers are usually good about realizing everyone reads different things.
My recent post Review- What They Always Tell Us by Martin Wilson
1 reply · active 755 weeks ago
Thankyou for posting about this Carin. I was too embarassed to post about it myself, even though I shouldn't have been.

I think I am a bit sensitive about some of the books I read. Dune for instance, I'm really sensitive and I will get on my high horse about it, especially if someone has read and it doesn't like it. But I think we're all like that. We're all ready to defend the books we love :)
My recent post Review- The Sevenfold Spell by Tia Nevitt
5 replies · active 755 weeks ago
I think there is a HUGE difference between having a discussion in a forum like this about likes and dislikes and approaching someone unasked and giving an opinion on what they are reading. If I see someone reading a political book that I find appalling on the bus, I'm not going to walk up to them and say something about their choice of reading material. But if someone blogs their review, I think that's a great time to voice an opinion - as long as your opinion is educated and informed.

As far as embarassment goes - the only thing that I enjoy that I don't think I could bring myself to read in public would be health-related books. I had a very awkward experience at the library where the man in line behind me commented on the books I was checking out about fibromyalgia and asked me what medications I was on. It weirds me out for strangers to ask those kinds of questions, so no more health books in public for me.

I love these posts Carin! You're doing an excellent job!
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1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
How absolutely terrible. Something like that has never happened to me, thank God! Nobody touches my reader, but believe me, if they did, some of my co-workers would get red in the face from embarrassment, lol. Serves them right for being nosy!
People have no manners nowadays anymore. Shame on them!

No, I don't think people are too sensitive about the books they enjoy. What you read is part of your personality, so when somebody criticezes your reading material s/he criticizes you - at least in your mind, even if it was not meant that way.

For the same reason, if you voice your opinion about the poor book choice of somebody you will automatically corner someone because they will feel the need to defend themselves. It tales someonw with a very healthy self esteem to shrug that off.

In fact I love reading polarizing books as long as they are written by someone I agree with. I have read Michael Moore or Al Franken and liked them a lot. I'd never read a book by someone of the opposite side though. Even though that would be helpful when it comes to arguments. You need to know your enemy, you know. If somebody "bullied" me for reading those books it would be different. I wouldn't mind discussing this, this is non-fiction and that is a different matter than fiction altogether.

Good topic again, Carin. I'm sorry I couldn't comment on the bad habit thread. Did not feel up to it at all.
My recent post Comparing covers- Shiver
3 replies · active 755 weeks ago
It would be fun to deal with someone trying to bully me about my reading. I pity the poor fool that do that! I would also be interested in hearing what those bullies were actually reading and what they thought was "proper" reading material.

I can't help it though, I do judge people a bit by what they read and whether they read at all. For example, it kills me that my stepdaughter seldom reads at all and when she does, it is to reread Harry Potter.

On another topic, while ya'll were busy in September with the book buying ban, my TBR pile got out of control. It is crazy and stressing me out a bit!
My recent post The Women by TC Boyle Review
2 replies · active 755 weeks ago
I've encountered playful comments about people's choice of reading matter but never outright bullying. How horrible!

I will admit that, though I try to not judge a book that I haven't read, there are certain books I can't help but get judgey about.. I try very hard not to say what I'm thinking out loud.
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1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
Hmmm Book Bullying? Interesting topic for discussion…. Now, insulting someone’s intelligence is one thing but teasing someone is something else. I definitely think it depends on the individual. I tend to roll really well with the punches and like to keep up a friendly banter with my friends. But really, I never tease anyone’s book choice. I am just happy that they are reading. I do think I sometimes come off as overly opinionated when discussing some books and this might offend (and has offended) some people. My thinking is that if you put your opinion out there, then it is reasonable to think that someone might disagree and tell you so. I think that to some degree being able to take constructive feedback is a confidence thing, after all there really is no right or wrong answer. Everyone has their own tastes and opinion. I read everywhere but I don’t like it when strangers ask me about the book I am reading (unless I am not reading at the time), otherwise, hello I am busy.
.... the rest of my comment

So, when I see someone reading a book that I might think is a little funny, I just think wow, aren’t they confident. There are definitely books out there that I might be a little embarrassed to read in public but I am learning to shrug if off and just read what I like when I like. Who cares what other people think? So I am conflicted. It isn’t nice to judge people about what they are reading but I also think people should lighten up about it and be able to have a little fun.
5 replies · active 755 weeks ago
I tend to be a VERY opinionated person and I'm amazingly blunt. So I'm pretty good at offending people without realizing I've done it. Yep, I've probably come off as an elitist bully and not realized it but I usually always figure out that I was a total ass and find some way to apologize. I suffer from what some might call "foot in mouth" syndrome. I've gotten a lot better over the past few years. Now I only tend to offend someone once a day or so... ;)

The thing is, I love opinions and I love facilitating discussion. I might not like what you read. I might not understand why you like it... but I LOVE new perspectives and the interesting discussions these disagreements might facilitate. Seriously, if we all liked what everyone was reading, there would be no reason to review, or book blog.

And, recently, I've had to eat my own judgments. I've been reading a lot of scifi recently and these scifi books have some of the DUMBEST looking covers. Yep, people make fun of me for them quite often. It really bugged me and embarrassed me at first but I grew a tough skin. Hey, at least I'm reading and at least the other people who get made fun of are reading. That's all that matters in the end.

Be proud about your literature.

I won't remember those morons who made fun of me in 20 years. I'm for damned sure not going to let them ruin my reading experience and I've gotten to the point where instead of inserting my foot in my mouth, I'll discuss books with people who are reading something that makes me quiver. I've really read a TON of books recently purely because I've started to talk to someone about them when I thought I'd hate them. It's been a broadening of horizons experience. :)

Anyway, this is quite a tirade. I don't know if I actually answered your question but there's my rant.
My recent post Opinion Question - Overly-Hyped Books
4 replies · active less than 1 minute ago
this is just awful ,I d never say anything about anyonesa choices ,how terrible ,some people just don't have any manners now days ,I must admit I look at what people read but that is because I am nosey and want see what is about ,all the best stu
1 reply · active 755 weeks ago
You'd definitely think 'GROWN-UPS' would know better.I wonder where this woman works. Such infantile behavior is laughable. I admit, I would have laughed had that happened to me.

But then I'm probably older than most of you and one of the perks of being old is being able to get away with a couple of good choice words and a laugh. I read YA now, and think no less of anyone else who read it before I came around to reading it myself.. I even read picture books occasionally (I collect them), I love the artwork. Yes, I do and defy ANYONE to make fun of me for that..

I can imagine, I suppose, if I were in the same circumstance of the blogger who posted her experience, that I might feel intimidated. But hopefully not for long and hopefully I'd learn to laugh off idiots. Something I can do quite easily now.

My recent post Forgotten Mystery Series
Another good topic, I love this FCC of yours. Everyone also has good comments, If I can easily leave comments, I'd love to reply them one by one.

I didn't know such a thing exist, poor woman. If it was me, I'll be punching their nose for sure.

I never been 'book bullied' or being a bully. It is true that I despise Twilight series but doesn't mean I go shouting it at the person who reads it in front of me. Everyone has their own favorites, none is better than the other. It also goes the other way around, I love Stephen King above all other authors but I often come across people who didn't know him or even despise him. Do I care about their opinion? not even a slightest, I am with my own favorite they are with their own. So be it and enjoy ourself.

I never been ashamed of what I read. As you know I love manga, and most people my age don't read manga anymore...Do I hide my self when reading manga? not a chance. Don't I afraid of being bullied for reading manga? *devil's smile* as if anyone dare to bullied me.
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1 reply · active 755 weeks ago
not 'no one read manga' .. most manga readers in my country are in the same age as my students, some people stop reading it as they get older, some still loving it (like me) but the latter is not that much.

I hope you'll like manga :)

Do Bella's coworkers read books? I have a feeling they don't love book as much as us, besause if they do, they won't do such a thing
My recent post Doubt by Yoshiki Tonogai
1 reply · active 755 weeks ago
I thought so too.

If Bella is reading this...Fight them back!!
My recent post The Healthiest One- Tetsuya
On reading most of the replies here, I wonder....at what point does a little "teasing" become "bullying"? I've teased, and been teased, about books any number of times through the years, but only rarely have I felt things have gone beyond what is reasonable to remain in the realm of "teasing". We all have opinions, and many of us aren't shy about sharing them...but, why does it matter so much what someone else chooses to read? (Or not to read) What if I like to read all the political stuff? How does it hurt you? Or sci-fi, or romance, or.....whatever? Who said, "above all else, to thine own self be true", had the right idea. Read what you like...don't worry about the other guy's choices. And bullies generally fade away fairly quickly when challenged....so Phhhhttttt on them!
My recent post For A Song
2 replies · active 755 weeks ago
In high school (9th grade) I was teased for reading YA (Norma Klein) instead of adult books. I didn't stop reading thembut I did stop bringing them to school. Some people now occasionally say something to me about me reading children's books but I totally know how to turn the tables on them. No one criticizes my reading because I run them over.

I on the other hand do totally judge what other people read but NOT to their face. I am happy if a person is reading any book, but once I was in a multi-million dollar apartment in Manhattan on the Hudson river (I got lost in it! There were 2 kitchens!) Very, very wealthy people who also considered themselves very, very smart. Bookcases were full of Readers' Digest Condensed Books. I went home to my one-room basement near Riker's Island feeling very smug.
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1 reply · active 755 weeks ago

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